Episode 29: “Out of Line Online”

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Synopsis

This week, Priscilla Rice interviews Dr. Ivan Misner about being out of line online. After receiving a completely inappropriate message from a stranger attacking a new member of one of the online networks he belongs to, Dr. Misner wrote an impassioned blog post and got 43 comments. Here are some highlights.

• The impersonal nature of online communications sometimes leads people to behave in ways they could never get away with in person!
• Even though you may feel very powerful because you can say things in e-mail and send it out to many people it doesn’t mean that you should or that it’s appropriate to do so!
• If this individual behaved like this at an “in-person” meeting, he’d likely be thrown out!
• Don’t tolerate this kind of behavior, online or off.
• Always consider the source when you encounter this kind of character assassination.

Read Dr. Misner’s post about being Out of Line Online at Entrepreneur.com

Listen to Priscilla Rice’s interview with Dr. Misner on Priscilla’s Podcast.

Brought to you by Networking Now. Podcast produced by Live Oak Studio in conjunction with the Podcast Asylum.

Complete Transcription of BNI Podcast Episode 029 -

Priscilla Rice:
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the official BNI podcast, brought to you by networkingnow.com, the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. This is Priscilla Rice coming from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and Chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. How are you, Ivan?

Ivan Misner:
I’m doing great, Priscilla. It’s wonderful having you handle our podcasts now. Thanks.

Priscilla:
This is an exciting moment for me as I am a long time BNI member.

Ivan:
Yes, and as a matter of fact, you and I did a podcast once before. You should put on this podcast a link to the podcast that I did with you.

Priscilla:
I’ll do that. Prescilla’s podcast. So where are you calling in from today, Ivan?

Ivan:
From BNI headquarters this week. Next week, I will be out of town but now I’m here in BNI headquarters in southern California.

Priscilla:
Great. I understand the you have a very interesting topic to share with us today.

Ivan:
I think it is. It actually comes from a blog that I started doing just recently for entrepreneur.com. Listeners can go to the blog .It’s called Networking Now at entrepreneur.com. It’s called “Out of Line Online”. That is the blog title that I want to talk about today. The URL is www.networkingentrepreneur.com. If listeners want to go read the blog directly, they can do that. This week I want to talk about out of line online.

Prescilla:
What does that mean exactly?

Ivan:
You know, I belong to a number of online networks. Linked in, Ryze, etc. My favorite is ecademy.com. We have a strategic alliance with them- great organization.

I recently got an e-mail from one of the members of these online networks. I don’t know this guy. I’ve never talked to him and have never directly connected to him in any way. I don’t know why he sent the letter. He sent me an e-mail, and he had sent it to many people in the community. It was about a new person who would destroy the community. In the e-mail, he said to me, a perfect stranger to him, “Letting her joint was the biggest mistake you’ll ever make. She’s a disaster. She’s totally unreliable. She’s a total liar. You have been caught.”

I said, “Wow.” I was amazed that this stranger would sent me this e-mail. The thing is that the impersonal nature of online communications sometimes leads people to behave in ways that they could never get away with in person. There are social morays that are easily bypassed when you are not looking someone in the eyes.

Whether you are dealing with face to face networking or online networking, the basics of etiquette and emotional intelligence still apply. You have to be aware that when you’re communicating on the internet, you are still dealing with real people. Even though you may feel really powerful because you can say things and send them out a lot of people, it doesn’t mean you should or that it’s appropriate to do so. I’m sure you’ve seen something like this. It happens all the time.

Priscilla:
I have seen that. I’ve also seen sometimes people put in capitalization statements they are making in the e-mail and it makes it kind of intense when you read it. It’s maybe a bit more than what they intended.

Ivan:
Yes. And sometimes through an e-mail, you just don’t get the inflection and things do come across the way they may not be meant. This guy meant it. He was quite clear. A lot of people don’t know that when you put these in caps, you’re supposed to be yelling or raising your voice, so they may do it by accident.

This was no accident with this guy. On the blog, this is probably the most aggressive I have ever been about any writing that I have ever published. Right on the blog, I said that the ignoramus who sent me this e-mail would never have this if he had to talk about this person personally to all the people including all the strangers that he emailed. But he could do it behind the relative safety of the internet and unfortunately, that’s one of the weaknesses of this powerful medium.

Priscilla:
And I heard that some of the people on your block commented on your entry. What did they say?

Ivan:
They had a lot of things to say. One last point before we go to them, if this individual talked like that in an in-person meeting, they would throw his butt out of that meeting so fast. But online he can get away with it because I think people have just become so disconnected with reality that they get this false sense of power.

I did get a lot of comments. As a matter of fact, I have more comments on this one blog than any other blog that I have done. One of the last ones that was posted as hysterical because in my blog, I say that I responded to this guy and I said to him, “I don’t know who you are. And I don’t know who this is that you’re talking about. The e-mail that you are sending me tells me a lot about you, and I don’t want this kind of slanderous communication.”

I was really surprised at his response. In his response he said, “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t talk to nobodies.”

Of course, the first thing I did was say, “I don’t think I’m a nobody.”

Then all of a sudden, I thought maybe it’s good to be a nobody to a nutcase like this. One of the responses was that you sometimes feel like a nobody until a batty responds to you or something like that. I thought that was really hysterical. There were a lot of great responses. I don’t know if you had a chance to take a look at it yourself.

Prescilla:
I did look at it.

Ivan:
Almost everyone said that this behavior was appalling and that it would be completely unacceptable. There were a number of BNI people who responded said that in an organization with a code of ethics, this kind of behavior would never be tolerated and that’s what you can get away with online.

Priscilla:
Did the person that he wrote badly about say anything to you?

Ivan:
I didn’t know her. I didn’t pass it on her because I knew for a fact that it would be passed on to her, and it was. Somebody told me that it was. I was really impressed, as was the person who passed on to her, with her response. She took it very well and basically said, “Consider the source. I’m sorry that you had to receive that.” She handled it very, very professionally which again tells me a lot about her- and a lot about him.

Priscilla:
I’m glad she didn’t take offense because it can be very painful to receive something like that, to have people talk about you in that way, in a negative way and out into the public.

Ivan:
You’re right. One of the respondents on the blog said don’t mud wrestle with a pig. You’ll only end up muddy- and besides, the pig likes it. I thought this was great.

I would love to have any of the listeners to the podcast go to the blog. It is called “Out of Line Online”. That particular blogs admission went up on October 30. Take a look at networkingentrepreneur.com and “Out of Line Online”.I would love to see your comments on that as well. Even though in BNI we’re not about online networking, I do think online networking is a powerful tool. I recommend it to members. To take a look at the blog when you get a chance.

Priscilla:
Great. Thank you so much, Ivan, for that. I think it’s a very important message. and I think that there are probably a lot of listeners out there who’ve had bad experiences in the past who might want to share what they have been through with you on the blog.

Ivan:
Thank you, Priscilla.

Prescilla:
Anything else you’d like to add before we close?

Ivan:
No, just if you get a chance, go to the blog. I would love to hear your feedback on this. I think the listeners will enjoy taking a look not only at the blog but at all of the responses. I am sure that almost all of us have experienced something similar to this.

Priscilla:
Great. Thanks, Ivan. This podcast has been brought to you by networkingnow.com, which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. This is Prescilla Rice and we will see you next week on the official BNI podcast with Dr. Ivan Misner. Thanks so much.