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Synopsis
This week’s podcast was inspired by Jack Canfield’s presentation at the BNI International Conference in November 2007. If we really are the average of the 5 people we hang out with most, here are some things we should consider:
- If we hang out with professional, successful people, it forces us to be more successful.
- BNI’s Membership Committees need to ask whether a potential new member raises the bar for the chapter.
- Network up: seek out networking relationships that pull you out of your comfort zone.
- Open doors to people who have a positive attitude toward success.
- Some of your associates may rate a “D” for “delete” if they bring you down.
Helpful links: Buffini & Company: Working by Referral
Brought to you by Networking Now.
Complete Transcription of BNI Podcast Episode 037 -
Priscilla Rice:
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Official BNI Podcast brought to you by networkingnow.com, the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. I am Priscilla Rice coming from Live Oak Recording Studio. I’m joined on the phone today by the Founder and Chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, how are you?
Ivan Misner:
Doing great, Priscilla. Thank you.
Priscilla:
What do you have to share with us today?
Ivan:
I have a simple idea that I just wanted to talk about in this week’s podcast. At the BNI International Conference in late November, we had a good friend of mine who was a speaker. I mentioned an organization of his in last week’s podcast, the Transformational Leadership Council. It was developed by Jack Canfield. Jack has become a good friend and certainly a big supporter of BNI over the last few years.
Jack created the Transformational Leadership Council and we had him as a speaker at our BNI conference in November. He is an incredible speaker. He did a great job. It was a great event, and we had almost 800 directors from about 40 countries all around the world. Jack spoke about a number of things but one of the things that he talked about – I’m assuming most of the listeners know that Jack is the co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul series. That series has sold more than 120 million books worldwide. He’s a very successful man.
Priscilla:
There are a lot of books in that series.
Ivan:
Yes, there are. It started with the first one of Chicken Coup for the Soul and then A Second Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul. I have a very close friend, Lisa Nichols who did a version of Chicken Soup for the African American Soul. Now there are many, many dozens of variations of the book that have come out. They have all done very well- 120 million copies. I think my best book has sold about 110,000 copies. You have to give somebody a lot of kudos if they are able to do something like that.
He had one idea at this conference that he shared that really resonated with me. He talked about a lot of things, but one thing really certainly had me thinking about how this applies in BNI. He shared a lot of great stories. He had a lot of great statements. One of the statements is that we are the average of the five people that we hang out with most.
He said if we are hanging out with people who are challenging to us intellectually, who are very professional, who are successful calm that it draws us and it helps force us to be more successful at what we do. If we hang out with people who are lazy, not highly motivated, not very successful or not very driven- we tend to be the average of the five people that we hang out with the most. I really started thinking about that message about how that applies in the BNI group. Can you see its relevance in a BNI group?
Priscilla:
Yes. I think the better that you make your group- the membership committee that is their job. They have to screen people and the more enthusiastic, driven and community- oriented people that they bring into the chapter, a stronger that that chapter is.
Ivan:
Thats right. I think that membership committees are key. You have a good point and one that we haven’t talked a lot about in the podcast. What might make a great topic in the future is how to form a membership committee, what to look for and how valuable they are. They are absolutely critical.
I think that they should be asking this question whenever they are bringing a new member into the group: Does this person joining the chapter raise the bar or do they lower the bar in terms of the quality of member? If the answer is that it lowers it, it might not be a good fit. It might not be the right person to have in the group.
I really do believe that we are the average of who we hang out with. If we hang out with successful people then we’re much more likely to be drawn into success than if we hang out with people who are struggling.
Priscilla:
I read an article about something very similar to that which says that if you have as your friends people that are physically fit, active and have an active healthy lifestyle, you have a much greater chance of being that kind of person yourself, versus if you hang out with people that are couch potatoes, don’t eat well and are not concerned with their health. Chances are you’ll be that kind of person also just by association.
Ivan:
Right. Right. One of the comments that Jack had in the presentation was the importance of networking. I think you have to seek out and build networking relationships that will pull you out of your comfort zone and force you to grow and sharpen your skills.
Jim Rowe talks about this concept of becoming the average of five people also. He talks not only about who you’re hanging out with but what have these people got you becoming? Have they taken you in a positive direction? Spending time with them, has that taken you in a positive or negative direction? If spending time with them has taken you in a negative direction, then you need to be hanging out with different groups of people than those.
That’s why it’s so important to select people into your BNI group based on their attitude. The attitude of new members is so critical because it just sets the groundwork for the success of the chapter.
Priscilla:
That sounds great. I have one more thing to add. I went to a conference given by Brian Buffini, and he has you rate your database and grade them according to A,B,C and D. D stands for delete. That’s a little bit like that. If you are around people that bring you down or are not the kind of people that you want to be involved with, you have to find a way to eliminate them from your life.
Ivan:
Buffini is a great trainer. I highly recommend him. The Brian Buffini organization has supported BNI for many years, and they refer a lot of people to BNI. I highly recommend their training. When I walk into a BNI chapter I can always tell somebody who has been trained by Brian Buffini. They are always a higher caliber BNI member.
I appreciate you mentioning him. If anyone has a chance, they should go to his website. I believe it is buffini.com, but maybe when this podcast goes up, we can put the actual link. I appreciate you mentioning him. It is important that we walk the talk in supporting him because he has supported BNI a great deal.
Priscilla:
He mentioned BNI at the conference, actually. I think it’s Buffinicompany.com.
Ivan:
You may be right.
Priscilla:
Thats great. Do you have anything else on this topic?
Ivan:
I think my closing comments would be that networking is all about expanded association by expanding our association to include more of the right people and closing our doors to exclude or limit more of the wrong people. By right people, I mean more of the right attitude for success- motivated people who are positive- and steering away from negative people.
It doesn’t do any good to complain about how bad things are because half of the people that you tell don’t care and the other half are glad that you are worse off than they are. Hanging around with negative people brings people down. We truly are, I believe, the average of the five people that we hang out most with. I appreciate Jack bringing this up at the conference. It gave me a great opportunity to talk about it today on this podcast.
Priscilla:
Well, thank you, Dr. Ivan Misner. This podcast has been brought to you by networkingnow.com, the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. Thanks for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we look forward to having you join us again next week for another episode of the Official BNI Podcast.
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5 Comments On This Post
This is really good advice.
It’s a pity that many of us don’t reach for the delete button sooner, rather than later.
I had the privilege of being in the audience when Jack shared his talk. When he talked about this concept, I nodded in agreement. I think of my BNI chapter as one of my MasterMind Groups. I regularly surround myself with talented people who will help me stretch my skills and improve them everyday. Creating BNI chapters with members who continually raise the bar is a worthy goal for all of us. Thanks Ivan.
I totally agree with the raising the bar comments, I am a very motivated networker. I do find that if I find someone that seems negative at a meeting that I make one try at changing their mood and then I find myself moving away from them if it hasn’t changed!
How true !
Chinese has a saying that if one is close to vermillion, he will becomes red and if he is close to ink, he will becomes black.
Deleting ‘bad’ company to most people is the toughest thing to do but if we are very clear about our own objectives, we have to delete them or the ‘bad’ will delete us.
This is very good stuff! I have heard this before and it is true. Positive and Negative attitudes are pretty much equal, you do become like those you hang out with. Thanks for the reminder of this subject, I needed to here it again.