Episode 97: “OMG—I’m an Introvert?”

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Synopsis

This week Dr. Misner is visiting BNI chapters in Paris and Scandinavia.

To his considerable shock, Dr. Misner’s wife recently pointed out to him that he’s actually an introvert, despite his extremely public life. A little research revealed that he’s what’s known as a “situational introvert”: reserved around strangers, but very outgoing in the right context.

So it’s no surprise that BNI is perfect for situational introverts, because it creates a small group with a structured environment. Because you meet with your BNI chapter week after week, the other members are not strangers, and you can relax around them. That means that whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you can be great at networking.

Brought to you by Networking Now.

Complete Transcription of BNI Podcast Episode 097 -

Priscilla:
Hello everyone, and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the Net for networking downloadables.

I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkley, California, and I am joined on the phone today by the founder and the chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner.

Hello, Ivan, and how are?

Ivan:
Hello. I’m doing great. I’m calling you from Paris. I’m in Paris visiting BNI chapters this week, and later this week, I’ll be going to Scandinavia to do a presentation at the Ice Hotel in Scandinavia.

Priscilla:
Oh, I’m so jealous.

Ivan:
It is fun. It’s going to be fun in Scandinavia. We’re having a great time here in Paris.

Priscilla:
So what does OMG mean?

Ivan:
All right. If you have no idea what OMG means, go ask a teenager. That’s how I learned what it meant when I was getting texts from my kids, OMG.

Okay. Well, just so we don’t offend anybody, I’m going to go with Oh, my goodness.

Now, let’s talk about the introvert thing. OMG, Oh, my goodness; I’m an Introvert. That’s the tile of today’s podcast, and let me explain.

Priscilla:
Okay.

Ivan:
My wife and I were having a really relaxing dinner one night recently, and we were sitting around the kitchen table, and we were talking when I made some offhanded comment about being an extrovert, and it fit into the context of the conversation.

She looked over at me; she said, “Honey, I hate to break it to you, but you’re an introvert.”

I smiled and said, “Yeah, sure. I’m an introvert.” It’s like insert laugh track here. “I’m an introvert, right.”

And she looked at me, and she quite earnestly said, “No, really, you’re an introvert.”

And I protested. I said, “Come on. I’m a public speaker. I do these BNI podcasts. I’m the founder of the world’s largest networking organization. I am not an introvert. I can’t be. You’re joking, right?”

And she absolutely insisted that I was an introvert, and then she proceeded to share with me all the ways that I have introverted tendencies. Well, I have to admit that I was really taken back by this, and all of the examples she gave me were really on the mark, but I still couldn’t believe I was an introvert.

On the other hand, I’d been married to her for 20 years. There’s a chance she might actually know me pretty well. So I went off the next day to do some research, and I did an Internet search, and I found a test that tells you whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. Was I in for a shock. The test said that I was a situational extrovert. It explained it, I was something of a loner, that I was a loner, that I was reserved around strangers, but that I was very outgoing in the right context.

It was at that moment that I said, “Oh, my goodness; I’m an introvert.” In the haze of my surprise, some really important things came into clarity for me. I’m 52 years old; BNI is 24 years old; and for the first time, it really struck me one of the really important reasons why I started BNI more than two decades ago. Because the bottom line was – I think most people know this story. I was a management consultant that I was looking for referrals, and I put together people that I trusted and liked, and we met and we passed referrals. Someone came who couldn’t join and asked if I’d open up a second chapter, and I said yes, and we did the second one, and that led to a third one and on and on.

But the bottom line that I never really thought about this until I took this test, I was naturally uncomfortable meeting new people, particularly at Chamber functions or other business functions. So this approach created a system that enabled me to meet people in an organized structured networking environment that did not require that I actually talk to strangers.

Priscilla:
Interesting.

Ivan:
Oh, my goodness; I’m an introvert.

Now, this is funny. If any of the listeners have ever seen me at a BNI event, I generally, when I go to regions of BNI, I ask the BNI director to have someone walk me around and introduce me to visitors and to member so that I can connect with as many people as possible. That’s what I would always tell them. But in reality, it’s because I’m uncomfortable just like anyone else, I thought. I’m uncomfortable just walking around introducing myself alone. And when I came to that realization, it’s like, oh, my goodness; I’m an introvert.

And then I realized the whole notion of the material – and I’ve talked about it in podcasts, I’ve written about it for years – the whole idea of acting like a host not a guest and volunteering to be the ambassador at a Chamber event, or be the visitor host at a BNI group. These are great ways that other people who are introverted can make sure to introduce themselves to other people in a comfortable environment. And then it struck me, “These are the ways I use to move around more comfortable at networking events, not just ways that I recommended for those poor introverts out there to network.

Oh, my goodness; I am an introvert. Who would have thought? Well, okay, besides my beautiful wife, who would have thought? Now more than ever, I truly believe that whether you are an introvert or an extrovert or a situational extrovert, you can be great at networking, both introverts and extroverts have strengths and weaknesses. If you can find ways to enhance your strengths and minimize your weaknesses, anyone can be a great networker, even an introvert like me.

Priscilla:
That’s great. Well, personally, I’ve always felt rather shy, and so I feel sort of similar to what you’re talking about. And I think you’re right, that BNI creates an atmosphere where you don’t have to worry about being shy.

Ivan:
You don’t. And I think this is really amazing, and it sort of an epiphany for me because I’ve always thought of myself as an extrovert, because I certainly come across extroverted in many situations, but in other ways – and there’s a whole laundry list of things that indicate that I’m not. I love being home. And if you look at some of my readings, particularly my blog, I talk about where’s my favorite place on the planet, home; I want to go home. When the phone rings, I don’t want to answer it; I don’t want to talk. I like to go home and spend time with my family or go up to my lodge up at Big Bear and spend time up there.

So there are a number of natural tendencies that are, in fact, introverted, but in certain situations where I feel comfortable, I come out more. But I’ve surrounded myself with an environment that’s all based on relationships. When you think about it, and this really makes sense, because I didn’t create a network that was all about big events; I created a network that was all about people getting together, getting to know each other and trust each other, and then doing business with each other.

But that’s not necessarily a high extroverted kind of approach. So it kind of all put the pieces together for me, and I think what’s important is for the average member – and those extroverts don’t care; they’re going to be out there marketing and selling, but I really want to talk to the introverts here, the people who feel shy about introducing themselves to others, the people who don’t feel comfortable, necessarily, speaking. Now, I do because I took six years of courses on speaking. Maybe that’s why I’ve gotten to be reasonably decent at it. So I did things to push myself out of that shell. But in BNI, introverts can excel because it’s all about building the relationship, and it was really an epiphany for me.

What’s really so funny is that my wife like totally knew it. She was like, “Oh, no, honey, you’re an introvert. You just act like an extrovert out there, but you’re an introvert.” She got it; I didn’t. I learned something about myself, and I hope the BNI members listening to this podcast can get something out of it as well.

Priscilla:
Well, that’s great. I just want to say that I think you have a real natural ability to talk to strangers, though.

Ivan:
Well, thank you. I appreciate that. It doesn’t come natural, I guarantee you.

Priscilla:
Okay. Well, great. Do you want to share anything else, or are we pretty much done?

Ivan:
No. I’m sure I will share some of my visits here in France and Scandinavia, being sweetened mostly. I’ll share that on my blog, so after you listen to this podcast, take some time to look at my blog at NetworkingEntrepreneur.com and I’m sure you’ll see some pictures of me at the Ice Hotel.

Priscilla:
Great, Dr. Misner. Thank you so much.

I just want to remind the listeners that this podcast has been brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the Net for networking downloadables. Thanks so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice, and we hope you’ll join us next week for another exciting episode of The Official BNI Podcast.