Episode 161: “Make the Connection”

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Synopsis

Here are some tips for networking with strangers—at a chamber mixer, or with visitors at BNI meetings. They come from Alice Ostrower’s article in Masters of Networking.

1. Get the person’s attention by showing interest. Ask questions.
2. Add interest. Respond to the answer, but don’t move the conversation to you.
3. Involve. Use the “Feel/felt/found” formula.
4. Tie it all together by connecting one person’s needs or goals with the resources, needs, or goals of another person.

If you do those four things, you’re going to make visitors feel welcome. You can also use these techniques in a one-to-one with another BNI member.

Brought to you by Networking Now.

Complete Transcription of BNI Podcast Episode 161 -

Priscilla:
Hello everyone, and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the Net for networking downloadables.

I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkley, California, and I’m joined on the phone today by the founder and the chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner.

Hello, Ivan. How are you and where are you today?

Ivan:
Well, I got back this week from United Kingdom and Ireland and Amsterdam. We did our last presentation in Amsterdam, and it’s always wonderful meeting BNI members. If I ever come to your region, if you’re listening to this, please come up and introduce yourself to me and let me know that you listen to these podcasts. I really appreciate it.

We wanted to make sure and get back in time for June 30. Do you want to know why, Priscilla?

Priscilla:
Yeah, what’s that about?

Ivan:
Because it’s my birthday!

Priscilla:
Oh, wow. Now everybody’s going to be sending you cards!

Ivan:
That’s okay. Drop me an e-mail. It’s both my birthday and my daughter’s birthday, who just turned 19. We have the same birthday, and so we wanted to make sure and get back in time.

Priscilla:
Great! Okay. Well, what do you have to share with us?

Ivan:
Well, today I’m going to be talking about Make the Connection. One of my employees, Erin Mellinger, who is my Communications Coordinator, told me a few weeks ago that she passed some advice on from one of my books to a relative of hers, a cousin, that was having a difficult time making connections at networking functions. And she told me that her cousin recently joined a Chamber of Commerce to promote his new business, and he really felt clueless as to how to form connections with the strangers that he came into contact with at mixers. And so my employee remembered reading at article by Alice Ostrower. Alice is a long-term BNI director, one of the really truly founding Executive Directors in BNI.

And in my book, Masters of Networking, she talked about some things that we passed on to Greg that I thought would really make a good podcast, not only for members to listen to how they can work a Chamber mixer, but also how can they talk to visitors at a BNI event during the open networking. Both of those are good; so this will work at Chamber mixers, and this will also work when you’re meeting people who are visiting BNI chapters.

Here are the four standard techniques that I think will work and that Alice talks about in my book, Masters of Networking. There are four techniques.

One, get the person’s attention. Show interest in them by asking questions. How are you? Where are you from? What do you do? Have you heard about … whatever, something that’s going on maybe in the community. Did you know, again, something that’s going on in the community, or something, that may apply to their business or their profession or that would impact them? Remember a good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them both proportionately. So listen to them; get them to open up and talk.

Number two, add interest. Respond to the answer, but don’t move the conversation to you. Elicit more information from the other person as much as possible.

Number three, involve. Use the “Feel/felt/found” formula. “I know how you feel. I felt the same way until I found out…” And that’s a great way to involve yourself into the other person’s message before you try to deliver your own message.

And number four, tie it all together by connecting one person’s needs or goals with the resources, needs, or goals of another person. For example, if you meet somebody that expresses some concern or need, introduce them. Especially if it’s another BNI member, introduce them right there. One of the questions I like to ask, and I know I’ve talked about this in previous podcasts, is once I’ve asked a handful of questions, I like to ask somebody, “Well, what are some of the challenges you have in business – or in this business?” And when they tell you, that’s a great opportunity for you to become a connector. And that’s really what number four is all about, is becoming a connector to say, “Hey, I know somebody that might be able to help you,” or “I read an article about that recently; would you like me to send you the URL?” And if you can, in some way, help and assist somebody – and I don’t mean, “Oh, let me sell you my product” as a way of helping and assisting them; that’s not what I have in mind – but I mean really connecting them with information or connecting them with another person.

And those are four things to remember when you’re meeting somebody at the open networking portion of a BNI meeting or a Chamber of Commerce meeting, that if you remember, you’re really going to do well. And again, these came from Alice Ostrower in my book, Masters of Networking, where we had contributions from many, many difference authors.

Let me just summarize, and then we can chat for a minute, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Okay.

Ivan:
One, get the person’s attention. Two, add interest to what they have to say. Three, involve, understand, show that you are interested in some way in what they have to say. And four, network or connect; try to find a way to connect that person with someone else in the room. And if you do those things, you’re really going to make a visitor to the Chamber or a visitor to BNI feel welcome.

Priscilla:
I think those are great ideas. The only thing I would add is that you can also use it on a One-to-One.

Ivan:
Yeah, good point. There’s no reason why you can’t use that on a One-to-One. In BNI, I like the idea of using the Gains Exchange as much as possible, because then you really find out a lot of information about each other, but then once you have that information using these techniques, I think [it’s] very valuable.

Priscilla:
When I went to the International Conference and I had some One-on-Ones with some directors, they asked me, “How can I help you,” and it was – I was so taken by that, that they cared enough to know how – to ask me how they could help me. And I think that’s kind of similar to what you’re talking about.

Ivan:
Yeah, you know, I think they’re the four or five most powerful words, “How can I help you,” five, five of the most powerful words that you can use when you’re talking to somebody. And you’ve got to mean it and you’ve got to really want to help somebody, but if you can find a way to help them, that’s a great way to start a relationship and make a connection with other people.

Priscilla:
Well, that’s great! I’m going to test these out

Ivan:
All right. Well, listen, again, for the listeners, if you have a chance, take a look at my book, Masters of Networking. That’s where this content came from. It’s a great book, and it’s got about 80-or-so contributing authors with lots of small stories on how to network effectively, and this came from Alice Ostrower.

Thank you very much, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Okay. That’s great! Thanks so much, Dr. Misner.

I think that’s it for this week, and I would just like to remind the listeners that this podcast has been brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the Net for networking downloadables. Thanks so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice, and we hope you’ll join us next week for another exciting episode of The Official BNI Podcast.