Episode 202: “Great Opening Question”

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Synopsis

Dr. Misner joins us from Big Bear this week, where he and his co-authors are working on Business Networking and Sex—Not What You Think.

A few months ago Dr. Misner met someone at an event who asked him a question he wasn’t prepared for: “What’s the most amazing thing that has happened to you today?”

There are several good things about this question:

• It invites a positive answer
• It’s specific
• It forces you to think

Readers of Dr. Misner’s Business Networking Blog had some other good suggestions for conversation-starting questions, such as “What’s the next thing you’re looking forward to?” or “If you hadn’t decided to come to this event, where would you be instead?”

What are your great questions? Post them in the comments.

Brought to you by Networking Now.

Complete Transcript of BNI Podcast Episode 202 -

Priscilla:
Hello everyone and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. I am Priscilla Rice, and I am coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkley, CA. I am joined today by the Founder and Chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello, Ivan. How are you and where are you today?

Ivan:
Well, I am at my lake house in Big Bear this week, working with Frank De Reffele. He’s an author, one of my co-authors in a book that I think I have mentioned a couple of time in the podcast. It has a great title. It’s called Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think. It’s about the difference between men and women and how they network based on a survey we did of over 12,000 business people around the world. We’re wrapping the book up. Listen Priscilla, if you don’t hear from me for a few weeks, it’s because we didn’t finish it, and I’m not allowed to leave. We are here until this book is done in its manuscript form, semi-final form. I’ll be here until we finish that, hopefully.

Priscilla:
You must be getting pretty good at this book writing business. How many books have you done so far?

Ivan:
Well, when this comes out, this will be number 15.

Priscilla:
Wow, Ivan. That’s impressive.

Ivan:
Yeah, but who’s counting? It’s really fun because we interviewed with Tim Houston last week, and his book, The World’s Worst Networker. Before we went on air, I told Tim that one of the things I learned is that writing the book is the easy part. Selling the book is the tough part. Pushing it to the best sellers list, that’s where it’s a challenge.

Today I want to talk about a great opening question. This was actually a topic for a blog I did some time ago. For the listeners, my blog has changed. The name is now businessnetworking.com. However, all of the content that was available at networkingentrepreneur.com is available at this. We really want to focus on the phrase “business networking” and that’s the reason we made the name change. So businessnetworking.com.

I did a blog recently there about a great opening question that I heard. One of the things that I tell people is that a good networker has two ears and one mouth and should use them both proportionately when you meet someone in a networking environment. You should listen more than you talk.

It’s like these interviews that you do, Priscilla, where you ask a question and I talk about that. Then you jump in with some additional questions. So I give an idea of some of the questions that you can use in some of my books, like The 20% Solution and Networking Like a Pro. I’ve talked about the kinds of questions you should ask.

Recently, I did a networking event and at the end of the conversation that I had with somebody, she asked me a question that no one has ever asked me before at a networking event. I really liked it and I wrote it down. It really stood out in my mind. She said, “What’s the most amazing thing that has happened to you today?”

I was thinking that’s a great questions, especially if you are in business for any length of time, you’ve got a schtick. You know what you are going to say. You know all of the questions. You’ve got the response about what you do and how you started what you do and what your target market is. And you tell them the answers. If you have been in business for any time- I have been in business for 26 years.

When she asked that question, I didn’t have an answer. I had to really think about the answer to that question. I gave her an answer. I forget what it was now, but it was something that happened that day that I really liked, meeting another member. I asked her why she asked that question and she said, “Because it always makes people stop and think.” It gets you out of the automatic mode of responding to the kinds of questions you usually get asked at networking events, like what do you do, and that kind of thing. So I liked it. It certainly worked for me, and it stood out in my mind.

I also liked it because it’s a real positive question and it’s very unique. It made me stop and focus on what the question was and not just go into the normal response mode about my business. I truly had to think about what was the greatest thing that happened that day and I shared, like I said, something that came to mind. It was related to a member that I had met.

It’s been many, many, many months since that encounter, but I still remember that question, and I think it’s funny because I don’t remember exactly what my answer was, but I remember the question, which is really unique.

Priscilla:
I think the thing that makes that question unique is that she limited it to today. If you had been asked what is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you, it would be kind of easy. It would probably be, you know, meeting your wife or having your children. Or something like that. But when she said today, then you really had to evaluate what you did today and today is so kind of mundane. I just goes on. Do you know what I mean?

Ivan:
I do. You’re absolutely correct. Because as she asked the question, I thought that’s what she was going to say- what’s one of the most amazing things that’s happened to you. I was already going into this or this, but when she said “today” I was like oh, that really narrows it down. It forced me to think, which is one of the things I really liked about that.

So in my blog, I asked a question that I want to ask here in the podcast. That is, if you have a great opening question, I’d really love to hear it. So in the comments of this blog, share with us some of the opening questions that you might have when you meet somebody for the first time. I’ll tell you. I got some great opening questions on my blog, and I believe a BNI member said one of the questions that she asks is, “What’s the next big thing that you are looking forward to?” or, “What do you do for fun?”

She said when she is talking to a woman and she can tell the woman is married, she asks, “How did your husband propose?” I love that question because it gets people out of their head and into their heart about a fun situation or something interesting. She asks couples, “How did you two meet?” That always brings a smile and often a laugh.

She might ask somebody on a business note, “What do you or your business need to do in the next 30 days? What do you need in the next 30 days or what do you need to do in the next 30 days? What brought you here today?” I think these are great opening questions.

Another woman, Alice, said, “What do you love most about living in the city? How did you get started in your business?” Those are great questions.

Jason says getting in and talking about something they love, people they love, talking about things that are of interest to them” are what he likes to do. So when they make a comment about something in their business, he’ll go in that direction to get them to open up and talk about something. You can always see the lights turn on when somebody is excited about something. Then he follows that trail.

These are some really good questions that I think- Jason says also, “What do you like to do with your free time?” I think that’s an interesting question. It’s personal without being too personal and you can find out something about the individual.

These are really good questions. Tom said, “How would you describe your very best customer or client to me?” I think that’s a really good business question to ask.

So, Priscilla, I would love for the members to share with me here on this podcast, just type in your question here. What, if not an opening question- because not all of the questions here are opening questions, but they’re great questions. What’s a great question that you ask other people that you meet at networking events? I’d love for you to share it here at bnipodcast.com.

Priscilla:
I have one question. What is the most meaningful job that you have ever done in your business?

Ivan:
That’s a great question. So it’s a project in your business? Not what’s the most meaningful job you have but what’s the most meaningful client or project you had? Yeah, yeah. That’s a great question.

Priscilla:
Well good.

Ivan:
I love it.

Priscilla:
I can tell you mine someday.

Ivan:
Alright. Tell us yours, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Mine was I had a client. Actually, she was the wife of a BNI member. She started as a jazz singer very late in life. She came into the studio. She recorded her music. She had terminal cancer and she spoke about what she felt was important in her life at this point, knowing that she was dying. A few months later, she lost the use of her voice and she would play this recording that she had done in the studio when people came to visit her on her sickbed. It was just incredible because it was her voice, which she no longer had. So that was definitely the most meaningful thing I have ever done here at the studio.

Ivan:
Wow. That’s powerful. Now see, if you can get somebody to open up with a question like that question, and have an experience like that, then you are really touching somebody. You are connecting with somebody and it’s a first step of building a real relationship. That’s what networking is all about. It’s really about the relationship. That’s what business is really about.

I had an opportunity to have dinner with Warren Dennis recently, one of the world’s leading experts on the field of leadership. It was really funny because he said, “You know, it just all comes down to relationship. When you’re talking about business, when you’re talking about leadership, it’s all about the relationship that you have.” If you can find find ways to talk to people and just start a relationship, it’s a great way to network.

Priscilla:
Totally, it’s what matters.

Ivan:
Well, thanks for that, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Okay. Great, Dr. Misner. Thank you so much. I think that’s it for this week. I would just like to remind the listeners that this podcast has been brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. Thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we hope you will join us next week for another exciting episode of The Official BNI Podcast.