Dr. Misner joins us from Big Bear this week, where he and his co-authors are working on Business Networking and Sex—Not What You Think.

A few months ago Dr. Misner met someone at an event who asked him a question he wasn’t prepared for: “What’s the most amazing thing that has happened to you today?”

There are several good things about this question:

• It invites a positive answer
• It’s specific
• It forces you to think

Readers of Dr. Misner’s Business Networking Blog had some other good suggestions for conversation-starting questions, such as “What’s the next thing you’re looking forward to?” or “If you hadn’t decided to come to this event, where would you be instead?”

What are your great questions? Post them in the comments.

Brought to you by Networking Now.

Complete Transcript of BNI Podcast Episode 202 -

Priscilla:
Hello everyone and welcome back to The Official BNI Podcast brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. I am Priscilla Rice, and I am coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkley, CA. I am joined today by the Founder and Chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello, Ivan. How are you and where are you today?

Ivan:
Well, I am at my lake house in Big Bear this week, working with Frank De Reffele. He’s an author, one of my co-authors in a book that I think I have mentioned a couple of time in the podcast. It has a great title. It’s called Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think. It’s about the difference between men and women and how they network based on a survey we did of over 12,000 business people around the world. We’re wrapping the book up. Listen Priscilla, if you don’t hear from me for a few weeks, it’s because we didn’t finish it, and I’m not allowed to leave. We are here until this book is done in its manuscript form, semi-final form. I’ll be here until we finish that, hopefully.

Priscilla:
You must be getting pretty good at this book writing business. How many books have you done so far?

Ivan:
Well, when this comes out, this will be number 15.

Priscilla:
Wow, Ivan. That’s impressive.

Ivan:
Yeah, but who’s counting? It’s really fun because we interviewed with Tim Houston last week, and his book, The World’s Worst Networker. Before we went on air, I told Tim that one of the things I learned is that writing the book is the easy part. Selling the book is the tough part. Pushing it to the best sellers list, that’s where it’s a challenge.

Today I want to talk about a great opening question. This was actually a topic for a blog I did some time ago. For the listeners, my blog has changed. The name is now businessnetworking.com. However, all of the content that was available at networkingentrepreneur.com is available at this. We really want to focus on the phrase “business networking” and that’s the reason we made the name change. So businessnetworking.com.

I did a blog recently there about a great opening question that I heard. One of the things that I tell people is that a good networker has two ears and one mouth and should use them both proportionately when you meet someone in a networking environment. You should listen more than you talk.

It’s like these interviews that you do, Priscilla, where you ask a question and I talk about that. Then you jump in with some additional questions. So I give an idea of some of the questions that you can use in some of my books, like The 20% Solution and Networking Like a Pro. I’ve talked about the kinds of questions you should ask.

Recently, I did a networking event and at the end of the conversation that I had with somebody, she asked me a question that no one has ever asked me before at a networking event. I really liked it and I wrote it down. It really stood out in my mind. She said, “What’s the most amazing thing that has happened to you today?”

I was thinking that’s a great questions, especially if you are in business for any length of time, you’ve got a schtick. You know what you are going to say. You know all of the questions. You’ve got the response about what you do and how you started what you do and what your target market is. And you tell them the answers. If you have been in business for any time- I have been in business for 26 years.

When she asked that question, I didn’t have an answer. I had to really think about the answer to that question. I gave her an answer. I forget what it was now, but it was something that happened that day that I really liked, meeting another member. I asked her why she asked that question and she said, “Because it always makes people stop and think.” It gets you out of the automatic mode of responding to the kinds of questions you usually get asked at networking events, like what do you do, and that kind of thing. So I liked it. It certainly worked for me, and it stood out in my mind.

I also liked it because it’s a real positive question and it’s very unique. It made me stop and focus on what the question was and not just go into the normal response mode about my business. I truly had to think about what was the greatest thing that happened that day and I shared, like I said, something that came to mind. It was related to a member that I had met.

It’s been many, many, many months since that encounter, but I still remember that question, and I think it’s funny because I don’t remember exactly what my answer was, but I remember the question, which is really unique.

Priscilla:
I think the thing that makes that question unique is that she limited it to today. If you had been asked what is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you, it would be kind of easy. It would probably be, you know, meeting your wife or having your children. Or something like that. But when she said today, then you really had to evaluate what you did today and today is so kind of mundane. I just goes on. Do you know what I mean?

Ivan:
I do. You’re absolutely correct. Because as she asked the question, I thought that’s what she was going to say- what’s one of the most amazing things that’s happened to you. I was already going into this or this, but when she said “today” I was like oh, that really narrows it down. It forced me to think, which is one of the things I really liked about that.

So in my blog, I asked a question that I want to ask here in the podcast. That is, if you have a great opening question, I’d really love to hear it. So in the comments of this blog, share with us some of the opening questions that you might have when you meet somebody for the first time. I’ll tell you. I got some great opening questions on my blog, and I believe a BNI member said one of the questions that she asks is, “What’s the next big thing that you are looking forward to?” or, “What do you do for fun?”

She said when she is talking to a woman and she can tell the woman is married, she asks, “How did your husband propose?” I love that question because it gets people out of their head and into their heart about a fun situation or something interesting. She asks couples, “How did you two meet?” That always brings a smile and often a laugh.

She might ask somebody on a business note, “What do you or your business need to do in the next 30 days? What do you need in the next 30 days or what do you need to do in the next 30 days? What brought you here today?” I think these are great opening questions.

Another woman, Alice, said, “What do you love most about living in the city? How did you get started in your business?” Those are great questions.

Jason says getting in and talking about something they love, people they love, talking about things that are of interest to them” are what he likes to do. So when they make a comment about something in their business, he’ll go in that direction to get them to open up and talk about something. You can always see the lights turn on when somebody is excited about something. Then he follows that trail.

These are some really good questions that I think- Jason says also, “What do you like to do with your free time?” I think that’s an interesting question. It’s personal without being too personal and you can find out something about the individual.

These are really good questions. Tom said, “How would you describe your very best customer or client to me?” I think that’s a really good business question to ask.

So, Priscilla, I would love for the members to share with me here on this podcast, just type in your question here. What, if not an opening question- because not all of the questions here are opening questions, but they’re great questions. What’s a great question that you ask other people that you meet at networking events? I’d love for you to share it here at bnipodcast.com.

Priscilla:
I have one question. What is the most meaningful job that you have ever done in your business?

Ivan:
That’s a great question. So it’s a project in your business? Not what’s the most meaningful job you have but what’s the most meaningful client or project you had? Yeah, yeah. That’s a great question.

Priscilla:
Well good.

Ivan:
I love it.

Priscilla:
I can tell you mine someday.

Ivan:
Alright. Tell us yours, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Mine was I had a client. Actually, she was the wife of a BNI member. She started as a jazz singer very late in life. She came into the studio. She recorded her music. She had terminal cancer and she spoke about what she felt was important in her life at this point, knowing that she was dying. A few months later, she lost the use of her voice and she would play this recording that she had done in the studio when people came to visit her on her sickbed. It was just incredible because it was her voice, which she no longer had. So that was definitely the most meaningful thing I have ever done here at the studio.

Ivan:
Wow. That’s powerful. Now see, if you can get somebody to open up with a question like that question, and have an experience like that, then you are really touching somebody. You are connecting with somebody and it’s a first step of building a real relationship. That’s what networking is all about. It’s really about the relationship. That’s what business is really about.

I had an opportunity to have dinner with Warren Dennis recently, one of the world’s leading experts on the field of leadership. It was really funny because he said, “You know, it just all comes down to relationship. When you’re talking about business, when you’re talking about leadership, it’s all about the relationship that you have.” If you can find find ways to talk to people and just start a relationship, it’s a great way to network.

Priscilla:
Totally, it’s what matters.

Ivan:
Well, thanks for that, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
Okay. Great, Dr. Misner. Thank you so much. I think that’s it for this week. I would just like to remind the listeners that this podcast has been brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. Thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we hope you will join us next week for another exciting episode of The Official BNI Podcast.

Dr. Misner has just returned from BNI’s global conference in Malaysia to tell us about BNI’s traditions. In this episode, we hear about the first half of the chapter; the second have comes in Episode 59.

The Mission of BNI

Any discussion of BNI’s traditions has to begin with the mission: to help members increase their business through a structured, positive, and professional word-of-mouth program that enables them to develop long-term, meaningful relationships with quality business professionals. It’s important to remember that because people often suggest that BNI should be doing other things, which are good things, but not part of the mission.

The Philosophy

BNI accomplishes its mission through the philosophy of “Givers Gain:” when you contribute to the success of others, that will contribute to you. That’s why every new member gets a copy of the book. Dr. Misner illustrates this with a story of a prize-winning Nebraska farmer who won the State Fair four years in a row by giving away his specially developed seed to his neighbor.

Training and Education

This is one of the most important traditions of BNI. BNI spends hundreds of thousands of person-hours a year training members, and that’s one of the main reasons BNI is the world’s most successful networking association. Participate in as many trainings as possible.

Keeping the Fun in the Fundamentals

Never forget about having fun. Chapters that have fun are always the strongest. Meeting stimulants can really help with this. Try the NAT Radio exercise, or the candy bar exercise. Talk to your leadership team if you’re not familiar with these.

Brought to you by Networking Now.

Complete Transcription of BNI Podcast Episode 058 -

Priscilla Rice:
Hello everyone. Welcome back to the official BNI Podcast brought to you by Networkingnow.com the leading sight on the net for networking downloadables. I’m Priscilla Rice, and I’m coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkley, California. I’m joined on the phone today by the founder and the chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello Ivan, it’s so nice to have you on the phone today.

Ivan Misner:
Hi Priscilla, it’s great to be on. I just got back from BNI’s global conference in Malaysia, and what an incredible experience it was. Hundreds and hundreds of BNI members from dozens of countries from around the world were there. Members, whenever you see conferences like this, take a good look at them, because it’s a good way to network with people worldwide.

Priscilla:
Wow, you’ve been doing a lot of traveling.

Ivan:
Yes, it comes with the territory. We’re now in almost 40 countries.

Priscilla:
Wow! What are you going to share with us today?

Ivan:
Today I’m going to talk about my absolute favorite chapter in the book, Givers Gain. Listeners of the podcast know that I’ve been going through the book chapter by chapter, Givers Gain and talking about different elements of the book so that you have something to go along with as you’re reading it. My personal take on what’s in the book as you go through and read it. This one chapter 10, BNI Traditions, is really my favorite chapter. So much so that I’m going to take two episodes to cover this one. I’m going to go through the first half of chapter10, BNI Traditions, in this episode and then next week I’ll be covering the second half.

I want to talk a little about the basic culture of BNI, the philosophy, the mission. Then I want to talk about the philosophy, Givers Gain, and then I want to talk about training and education. If time permits, I would like to talk a little about keeping the fun in the fundamentals in this particular episode. Let’s get started with the mission of the organization. I think we keep the culture of BNI alive by constantly training and retraining members and leadership teams on the organization and the traditions. It is one of the things that really sets this organization aside from other companies. I think any discussion of the traditions has to begin with the mission of the organization. The mission of BNI is to help members increase their business through a structured, positive and professional word of mouth program that enables them to develop long term meaningful relationships with quality business professionals. I think that’s key. One of the reasons it’s important to know that is, often times many people think BNI should be doing this or should be doing that. For example, here’s one I get a lot. We should be teaching people how to be better speakers. That’s a great mission. But that’s Toastmasters mission. That’s not BNI’s mission. Toastmaster’s does it better than we do and they probably always will.

We’ve been very good about staying on mission. Our mission is to help people increase business through a structured word of mouth marketing program. That’s it. We do that with a philosophy that is really, really powerful, so powerful that we named this book by that philosophy. The central philosophy of BNI has pretty much from day one been the concept of Givers Gain. If I give you business, you’ll give me business and we’ll all do better as a result of it. It’s based on the social capital theory of the law of reciprocity, that by working together we all support and help one another. That philosophy pretty much evolved from the very beginning. The first year or so we didn’t use that expression. We have a corny saying, this unwritten loyalty of we promise that we would refer each other. It evolved into this idea of Giver’s Gain, that by giving to other people, by contributing to their success, they’ll contribute to you. This is a great story in Giver’s Gain and if you have a chance and you’re listening to this podcast, pick up the book. Any body who’s gone through MSP Training or the new member orientation training should get a copy of this book. See your director if you don’t not have one and you’ve gone through that training.

There’s a great story in there about a farmer in Nebraska. For those of you outside the United States, Nebraska is the heartland of the United States. There’s a lot of farming in Nebraska. He won the State Fair four times in a row. Priscilla, do you know, what’s Nebraska most well known for growing? Any guesses?

Priscilla:
I’m going to say cattle?

Ivan:
No, corn. Nebraska corn. Now, this particular guy won the State Fair in Nebraska four times in a row, which is unheard of. Nobody’s ever done that. The newspaper sent someone out to interview him. The reporter asked, ” What’s your secret, do you have any special corn seed?” The farmer said, “Absolutely, I develop my very own corn seed.” The reporter said ,” OK, so that’s your secret. You developed your own corn seed.” And the farmer said,” No, no not particularly.” The reporter said, “I don’t understand.” The farmer said, “Well, I develop my own seed and then I give it to my neighbors.” The reporter said, “Excuse me. You develop your own seed and you give it to your neighbors? Why would you give it to your neighbors?” The reporter was incredulous. Why in the world would you give your award winning corn seed to your neighbors? The farmer said,” You don’t understand how corn is pollinated. It’s pollinated from neighboring fields. And if you’ve got fields around you that don’t have top quality corn, then your fields not going to grow top quality corn. But if my neighbors field has really strong corn, then I will have awesome corn. That’s how I won the Nebraska State Fair four years in a row. ” I thought that was a powerful story, that by helping people around you do better, you will do better. That is the BNI story. It is a perfect metaphor for how this organization works. It is truly the power of the philosophy of Givers Gain. The building a business to referral networking is truly more about farming than it is hunting. You’ve heard me say that over and over again. But it’s very true and it’s a great story to go with it.

Let me jump into two other things quickly. One of the traditions of our organization is the tradition of training and education. One of the most important BNI traditions is our commitment to training. We spend hundreds of thousands of person hours a year, Priscilla. Literally, hundreds of thousands of person hours a year training leadership teams and directors, BNI staff, membership committee’s, visitor hosts…if you add up all the training we do for all the people in this organization every year, it adds up to hundreds of thousands of person hours. It’s really amazing and it’ one of the reasons why BNI is the worlds leading referral marketing organization. We are that because of the amount of training we do to tell people to learn how to do this, because this isn’t taught in college. Training in education is the key. If you’re in a leadership role in BNI, I know it’s a commitment to go to that training but listen, that’s what sets BNI aside from the other organizations. Participate in as many trainings as possible because it will make your chapter stronger.

Priscilla:
I agree. It’s good too. It’s very valuable information.

Ivan:
It really is. Virtually all the trainings we do are free other than the cost of the meeting location. So it’s a great way to learn how to do this better.

I want to give one more before I wrap up, and that’s the tradition of keeping the fun in the fundamentals. You’ve got to keep the fun in the fundamentals if you want to be successful. I’ve been a real believer in system and structure and following the program, but at one point in the process I looked back and I said you know what? I’ve been so focused on the system and structure and everybody following the program that I forgot to talk about having fun. What I’ve learned is, the chapters that learn how to have fun are the stronger chapters. I know I’m in a great group, when they run a BNI meeting, and they run it very well, and I walk out and my cheeks hurt from laughing so much. I know I’ve got a great group then. There a lot of ways you can do that., that you can have fun.

One of the ways I recommend are the meeting stimulants. We have some great meeting stimulants, and I’m not talking about good drugs. I’m talking about exercises that people can do like different ways of doing the sixty second introduction or different exercises before the meeting starts. One of my favorites is the talk show, NET Radio where the president is the DJ and all the members have a sixty second commercial. Not a fifty second commercial, not a minute and ten second commercial, but a sixty second commercial. So if they do thirty seconds, you have thirty seconds of dead air. OK, thirty seconds, now lets just pause. OK that was three seconds…so thirty seconds of dead air. I’ve never seen so many good sixty second commercials in my entire life. People will do the person on the street interview and they’ll interview other members, and they come in with jingles and bumper music. Wow, they have a lot of fun with that.

There’s so many others besides the NET Radio that are really strong. There’s the candy bar exercise where you actually come in with some candy bar and you do a presentation based on the candy bar. There’s the industry trends that’s a very interesting exercise. We have forty or fifty of these. And so if you’ve never heard of what I’m talking about, talk to your chapter leadership team. Talk to your BNI director and get a list of the meeting stimulants. One of the earliest ones, is a card in the basket, where everybody puts a card in. They reach in and pull a card out, and whomever’s card they pull out, they do that persons sixty second presentation. What a blast that is. I could spend an hour just talking about how to keep the fun in the fundamentals, but I don’t have it. Take a look at this chapter and really read this section on keeping the fun in the fundamentals, because the best BNI chapters not only have system and structure, but they’re having a blast.

OK, I’ve run out of time. Next week we’re going to cover Part 2 of chapter 10, Priscilla.

Priscilla:
OK, good. I think we have run out of time, otherwise I would tell you what my favorite meeting stimulant is.

Ivan:
Why not throw it in there. What is it, what’s your favorite one?

Priscilla:
OK. My favorite one is when you make up a family and each person who goes around the room has to describe their business as to how they can help that particular family. We’ve had so much fun with that.

Ivan:
I think it might be meeting stimulant #1 and it might be meeting stimulant #20. I’m going to tell you a secret here OK? I’ve never told this to, well, I’ve told individuals, but I’ve never publicly told this. It’s the Richard and Lynette story. The first one is they’re about to get married and the second version is they’re married and have three kids. Here’s something, a little point of interest, it’s the middle names of my whole family. Richard is my middle name, Lynette is Elizabeth, my wife’s middle name, who I met in BNI. And all the names of the kids in the stories are my kids middle names. We just threw that in there to have a little bit of fun. A little trivia for your best meeting stimulant. That is a great one by the way.

Priscilla:
Yes, it’s a really fun one. OK I think that’s it for this week. Thank you listeners for joining us. I just want to remind you that this podcast has been brought to you by Networkingnow.com which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. Thanks for listening. This is Priscilla Rice and we hope you’ll join us next week for another great episode of the Official BNI Podcast.

His October 8th Blog At www.NetworkingEntrepreneur.com

A Meeting He Had With Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup For The Soul) Where They Talked About The Idea Of An “Act As If. . . ” Party That A BNI Group Was Interested In Conducting

The Blog On This Topic Can Be Found At This Entrepreneur URL: Act As If Party Blog

BNI Chapters Should Try This Idea At Their Meetings!

Listen To This Podcast For Information On How Your BNI Group Can Do An Act As If.. Party!

Complete Transcription of BNI Podcast Episode 028 -

Frank Felker:
Hello everybody and welcome back to the official BNI podcast, brought to you by networkingnow.com, the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. I�m Frank Felker in Washington DC joined on the phone today by Founder and Chairman of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Where are you calling in from today?

Ivan Misner:
I am at BNI headquarters this week, Frank. Next week, I will be in Dallas Texas, but I am actually in town this week.

Frank:
That�s great. There is nothing like sleeping in your own bed. I understand you have a very interesting topic to talk to us about today. Just go for it. I�m fascinated by it.

Ivan:
Today, I want to talk about the blog article that I did at my blog site with entrepreneur.com. For the listeners, if you would like to see the entire blog go to www.networkingentrepreneur.com. That�s one word. You can see my entire blog. This is an entry that I did that on October 8.

In the transcript of this podcast, we will try to link straight to this article for this blog entry if it’s possible. The blog entry is all about the concept that Jack Canfield came up with in Success Principles. I just spent, last week, a couple of days in Jack Canfield�s home in southern California.

I was participating in a strategic planning session for an organization that I belong to called the Transformational Leadership Council. It�s an organization he founded about four years ago. It�s for trainers and what you call spot leaders, people who are changing or transforming the world in some way. He invited me to be a member of this organization.

One of my executive directors for BNI knew that I was going to be there and she asked me to talk to Jack and to give him a great question that I thought would make a great topic for this podcast and for the blog. In Jack�s latest book, Success Principles, one of the things that he recommends is that people create an event where they act “as if…”

It�s called an act as if party. The idea is that you act as if you are the person that you have aspired to be five years from now. It�s a great concept. You do this act as if party and you come to the party dressed the way you think you would be dressing five years from now and talking about the things that you believe you�ll be talking about five years from now, having accomplished things that you think you will have accomplished five years from now.

I think it is really powerful, and I talk about this on the blog, but what I thought I would do on this podcast is suggest to all of the listeners that you actually do this at BNI as a meeting stimulant at one of the BNI chapter meetings.

I would give them a week or two to prepare. Throw it out there and ask everyone to act as if it�s five years from now. Come to the next meeting and in your 60-second presentation, talk about where your business is today, i.e., five years from now. I think it�s powerful as a meeting stimulant.

Frank:
That�s a great idea. Let�s hope the five years from now hemlines go back to where they were in the sixties.

Ivan:
There may be some people who don�t agree with that, Frank, but I will give no comment. Let�s see. One of the things that I asked Jack when I saw him last week was if he had any comments on how to do this. What is the best way to do it?

He said that it�s really important to come dressed as the person that you want to be five years from now. And in making this idea work best, come with props. The more props you have, the better. Here is something that I thought was great. He suggested that you video record it.

Frank:
That�s a great idea. You almost “time capsule” it then.

Ivan:
Exactly. He said it is really powerful to video record it and then a year or two from now, look at it and ask if you�re making progress towards achieving this. You are really creating a vision of where you want to go so that five years from now, you watch that and see just how closely you came to achieving it.

He felt that by making sure that you envision it, you can more effectively attach it to where you are headed with your business. Create a story around the person that you want to be. Be sure to record the vision during the event so that you can strive to achieve that story that you created.

Frank:
That�s a great concept. I would love to do that. It�s almost like a costume party.

Ivan:
It is almost like a costume party, and I think it�s a fun exercise. On the blog, I just recommend that people do it as a party which is in his book. But for this podcast, I really urge the listeners to take this transcript back to their chapter and talk to the chapter members- particularly the chapter president- about doing a special meeting stimulant that is an act as if meeting.

Do that at one of the next meetings. This is really important � if you do it, please come back to the podcast under the bulletin board section and post what you thought of the idea and how it worked out for you chapter. We would really like to see your response.

Frank:
I would really like to both attend one and speak to someone who has been to one because it just sounds like such a great concept. Sounds to be a lot of fun, too.

Ivan:
It�s a lot of fun, and I think it will help members to get a sense not only of where they want to go as an individual and professionally but where their fellow members want to go. That is really powerful, I think, in building relationships with fellow BNI members.

Frank:
I do too. I think that�s a grand idea. I can�t wait to hear some postings from some people have done something about it.

Ivan:
If you come up with some great ideas, I promise you that I will tell Jack personally. I see him several times a year, and I�ll make sure that he knows about your success with it.

Frank:
Well, we�re just about out of time for this week�s podcast. Do you have any last pearl of wisdom about an act as if party?

Ivan:
Again, the more you can come with props, dress the part, and really speak as though you are where you are at, that�s the best way to make the act as if party work. We would love to hear your feedback from those of you listening to this by you posting up here at www.BNIpodcast.com. Thanks a lot, Frank.

Frank:
That�s great, great stuff, Ivan. Thank you. For Dr. Ivan Misner, I�m Frank Felker saying we�ll see you next week on the official BNI podcast.