It’s not as hard to think of someone to refer to your fellow BNI members as we think. We are all, every day, each and every one of us, standing in the middle of referrals.
The reticular activating system in your brain passes ideas from the conscious to the subconscious mind. This is why when you buy a new car, you suddenly see that model of car everywhere.
If you put your reticular activating system to work, you will see referrals everywhere. The following phrases indicate that a person is ripe for a referral:
- “I can’t”
- “I need”
- “I want”
- “I don’t know”
Whatever the person says after that tells you what kind of referral to make. For instance, if someone says “I don’t know how to do podcasts,” you can refer them to Priscilla.
Brought to you by Networking Now.
Complete Transcript of Episode 404 –
Hello, everyone and welcome back to the Official BNI podcast, brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. I am Priscilla Rice and I am coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. I am joined on the phone to day by the Founder of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello, Ivan. How are you and where are you?
Hello, Priscilla. I am in Savannah for the US National Conference this week.
I love meeting members all over the world. I haven’t been to Savannah so it is nice to be here and meet members.
I heard it is beautiful in Savannah. Is that true?
It is beautiful in Savannah. I have been here once before and it is georgous.
Okay, great. So what is this that you are going to share with us today
Today I want to talk about that we are all, each and every one of us everyday, standing in the middle of referrals. If you are listening to this podcast, before you begin a meeting, you may be thinking who can I bring a referral to this week?
I know when I was a member, I thought that all the time. Okay, who can I bring a referral to? And I used to be really concerned about this until I realized that we are all literally standing in the middle of referrals. They are all around us. We just arent paying enough attention to them.
So part of our brain has something call a reticular activating system. Your reticular activating system is like a filter between your conscious and your subconscious mind. It is capable of taking instructions from your conscious brain and then passing them on to your subconscious brain.
For example, Priscilla, have you ever been in a busy airport with announcements coming over the loud speaker and noise from all the hustle and bustle. People are talking all around you, but then your name or your flight number is announced and all of a sudden, you think, wait, that was something I needed to hear.
That is your reticular activating system.
I want to interrupt because I have another really great example of that.
What is it?
You are buying a car and if you think you are going to buy- like I was going to buy a Prius and all of a sudden there were so many Priuses everywhere.
That is one I often use as an example, as a matter of fact. When you are buying a new car and you are looking at them and all of a sudden, you see that car everywhere. Even if it is not a real common car, wherever you are driving, it jumps out at you. You see it. That is a perfect example of what I am talking about. That is your reticular activation at work, your subconscious brings up the things that you think aren’t important and alerts you about the things that you think are important.
Here is one. You are going to hate this one, Priscilla, but I am going to come clean worldwide. I never fully believed that that this reticular activating system was real until my child was born. Before she was born, I could sleep through anything and I mean virtually anything. There was once an automobile accident in front of my home- police, ambulance, sirens, multitudes of people were outside my door. I am told that the noise was deafening. I don’t know because I slept through it all. They said, “Well, he travels a lot. Clearly he is not home.” I discovered it when I woke up the next morning and walked out the front door and there was police tape across my walkway. I could sleep through anything.
So a few years later, I was about to welcome my firstborn child into the world. I was really worried, I mean really worried, that if she woke up at night, and she started crying I wouldn’t hear her. And that would be horrible. I went to bed that first night really concerned about that and around 2:00 a.m., I sat up- I sat straight up in bed and realized that my daughter was whimpering, not even crying. She was whimpering, so I nudged my wife and said, “The baby is awake.”
So women everywhere hate me for waking my wife and saying, “Hey, the baby is awake.” But forgetting about the lousy husband, think about the power of the reticular activating system. It is incredible. I could sleep through an automobile accident outside my front door, but I woke up with the slight cries of a baby. It is just incredibly powerful.
We have that same power as it relates to other things in our lives, as it relates to referrals. We are all standing int he middle of referrals everyday. They are all around us. We simply need to put our reticular activating system to work in order to hear it.
Now, for that to happen, we need to start by listening for the language of referrals. This will help your reticular activating system by really paying attention to the language of referrals.By that I mean, whenever anyone says something like ,” I cant,” “I need” “I want” or “I don’t know”, whatever they are going to day next is most likely a referral for someone.
So these phrases along with others indicate that this person talking is in need of something and that something they need is possibly a referral that you can give. And if you can train your reticular activating system to open its filter and recognize those pharases, it will almost immediately increase the amount of referrals that you can give to your referral partners.
Just add that – if someone were to say to you, “I don’t know how to do podcasts,” there it is. That is all they need to say. I don’t know how – they don’t even have to say,”help me find someone who can help me do podcasts. All they have to do is say, ” I din’t know how to do podcasts.
If someone says, ” I just ant figure out my computer,” there is a referral there. “I need to do a website.” There is referral there for your web developer.
“I cant,” “I need,” “I want,” or “I don’t know”- whatever they are going to say next is a referral. Think about it. We are all standing in the middle of referrals. When we have conversations with people, throughout the conversation, they will make comments about “I cant,” “I need,” “I want,” or “I don’t know.”
Going back and thinking about it, have you seen situations where people used that expression and maybe you thought of it as a referral, or maybe you didnt, but just those phrases helps kick in sort of a kick start for your RAS.
I think you are totally right. I have had that happen. There was a therapist in our group. She has been training us to see what people possibly might say if they in need of therapy, and that is one of the most delicate things. In order to refer someone to that you have to be very careful.
Giving referrals is, I think, one of the best ways to start getting referrals, especially in BNI. So to me, giving referrals begins with opening your mind – or opening your reticular activating system to hear all the referrals or possible referrals that are all around us everywhere, everyday, and again, when you start to do that a whole new world of doing business really, truly opens up to you and I just love this concept of how putting your reticular activating system to work in the same way as the loud speaker that I talked about in the airport or the automobile that I talked about or when a baby cries at night- to me, that is just mind-boggling that I could wake up just because my filter- I absolutely consciously chose to let my filter down.
When you choose to pay attention to what people are saying, you find you are standing in referrals. You are standing in the middle of referrals. Everyday.
Right. That is so true,
Well, that I all I have for today, Priscilla.
Okay, Ivan. Thank you so much. I would just like to remind the listeners that this podcast has been brought to you by NetworkingNow.com, which is the leading site on the net for networking downloadables. Thank you so much for listening. This is Priscilla Rice, and we hope you will join us again next week for another exciting episode of the Official BNI Podcast.